


Crushed Flowers

by sselizabeth



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Angry Michael, Closet Making Out, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Gavin, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Insecure Gavin, Jealous Michael, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Praise Kink, Protective Michael, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-05-08 15:27:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5502875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sselizabeth/pseuds/sselizabeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael starts leaving crushed flowers and notes on the dresser every morning, reminding Gavin of stories when they fell more in love with each other.</p><p>Fingertips hiked along the mountain range that was Gavin’s spine.<br/>“Gavin, you’re so pretty this morning.”<br/>“Oh, Michael.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Camellias

**Author's Note:**

> Characters may be portrayed out of character to help flow with the plot.  
> Any run-ons or strange grammatical choices are entirely intended.
> 
> Crushed Camellia.  
> "Innocence."  
> Soft, bright, and perfectly defined in Michael's eyes.

_Gavin almost missed it._

_He was caught up with the idea that Michael left him this morning. Caught up on the fact that the bed was so much colder this morning than it was last night. He wasn’t too keen on getting dressed well this morning. He was used to Michael skimming over his skin every time he passed him to get something, every time he put a piece of clothing on._

_Michael didn’t even get breakfast with him this morning._

_He almost missed it._

_The pile of fingertip flushed crushed petals, topped with a few whole petals that survived the massacre. The soft pink pile had a small note stuck in it.  It smelt sweet and gave him a sense of comfort. Not enough to quench the stress overcoming him with Michael leaving this morning, but it settled his nerves a slight bit._

_Gavin picked up the note with hesitation. It was inscribed with Michael’s signature at the bottom. But what really caught Gavin’s attention was the words handwritten in a cursive style that Gavin had never really seen Michael use before. A wonder filled feeling floated through Gavin, and he was intrigued just like he always was when it came to Michael._

 

Hey, Gav. I’m sorry if I worried you leaving this morning. This is probably super weird for you, boy, but no worries! Michael’s here! We’re gonna play a little game this week, okay? Just humor me and play along. I promise there’ll be a special surprise at the end.

See you at the office, my boy. I love you. Please don’t hate me.

 

Camellia: Innocence.

One of my favorite things is when I wake up with you all over me.

\- Michael

 

_Gavin stared at the piece of paper before smiling softly. It wasn’t exactly shocking when Michael was romantic. It was just… nice and spontaneous whenever he was. Gavin figured he could live without Michael’s morning breath for today._

_There was just one thing. Why in the hell would the petals be crushed for?_

\---

It was seven in the morning and the alarm just wouldn’t shut the _fuck up._ Michael was currently shoved into his elbow trying to even forget that it was this early on a Tuesday. The sun was shining and the birds were singing and Michael just didn’t understand why it was only slightly hard to breathe.

With a huff, the Jersey boy swept his curls off of his forehead and blinked enough to rid the fuzziness that his elbow so graciously handed him.

He peeked towards his chest, and suddenly, he _really_ couldn’t breathe.

A bundle under the blanket was curled up against Michael’s body, with sand colored hair sticking out from the top of the covers, only a slight view of a sleeping face could be seen. Where Michael expected to find legs tangled with his, he instead felt two feet wrapped around one calf.

His boyfriend Gavin had completely wrapped himself around Michael’s left side; his head resting on Michael’s abdomen. Michael wasn’t even sure how that could limit his breath, but it did, and suddenly he wasn’t so upset with his lungs.

Except for the fact that they continuously give up every time a certain Britain comes into view, but hey, that’s a different story.

Michael sighed heavily and laid his head back down on his own little, white cloud and stared at the ceiling. He was used to waking up next to Gavin Free. _Next to._ They usually fell asleep facing each other, or Michael behind Gavin. Some nights Gavin felt a little extra clingy and tugged the other towards him, but later that morning Michael would always laugh warmly as he pulled Gavin against his chest. Gavin had this thing about being covered by something when he slept.

Before Michael came around, it was always blankets and three pillows. Or a random Dan who was trying to plan out their shoot and Gavin felt a nap coming. You see, Gavin felt the need to be safe. Not that he felt like he was going to be attacked or he was terrified of the dark. It was just that, Gavin felt warm and fuzzy when he knew there was no danger near.

And if Michael had no issue slipping in behind him the first night Gavin agreed to sleep over at Michael’s, then Gavin _definitely_ was there in the morning to shower him in kisses.

So long story short, on the mornings that Gavin found his way on top of Michael, who would blame him for spending a few minutes past the alarm clock to enjoy the warm and unexpected weight that almost always sent him back to sleep?

Michael shifted his hand through Gavin’s hair and ran them through the soft, messy locks. When the body on top of his started to stir, he curled into it. His chin rested on Gavin’s head and he had no idea what the hell he was doing but he was doing it and then Gavin was mumbling about knees in his ribs.

He’d rather leave Gavin breathless like Gavin does him then to get out of this bed that belongs only to the two of them. But his British boyfriend wasn’t too keen to that idea.

“Michael,” Gavin sighed, his accent so strong that Michael felt a flurry in his chest and he started wondering what he got himself into. He found himself doing that a lot lately.

“Gavin, shut up and go back to sleep.”

“Well, Michael, that’s barely fair considering you woke me up,” Gavin huffed as he used his head to lift Michael’s and wiggled up towards the pillows.

Michael groaned and let out a whiny huff, looking into Gavin’s blue eyes for the first time that morning as said eyes became level. Who said he needed the sun and the wind outside when he had his very own sky in front of him?

“Gavin,” he dragged out childishly. “You weren’t going to wake up to the alarm clock anyways. Come on, we’ll just call Geoff and tell him I’m vomiting.”

Gavin squawked and leaned in to kiss Michael. He grabbed Michael’s chin and braced the morning breath and felt those limbs that promised safety wrap around him and then the sun shining through the blinds wasn’t so abrasive.

“That doesn’t sound much like you, my little Michael. Usually it’s me trying to get you to stay home with me. Do you feel bad today?” Gavin asked, resting his head on Michael’s shoulder, beneath his chin. The fingers running up his spine were calming as they dipped into his curves and all he wanted was for Michael to keep him in bed and tell him secrets and touch his hair.

But that was silly and they had work.

“Gavin, do I have to be sick to want my boy in my bed all day?”

“Oh, Michael, you’re so good at ruining things,” Gavin squeaked and reached up to cover Michael's mouth, but just happened to kiss him between skinny fingers.

Gavin reached up to brush a few curls out of Michael’s eyebrow, then kissed each dimple before sitting up. He ignored the huff full of loss behind him.

Fingertips hiked along the mountain range that was Gavin’s spine.

“Gavin, you’re so pretty this morning.”

“Oh, Michael.”

\---

“There you are, you dicks,” Geoff greeted the two as they walked in through the door. He was turning in circles in his chair, one eyebrow cocked at the two as they shuffled in. Or, more clearly, one shuffled in and the other trudged.

Gavin tucked his fingers into the sleeves of his sweater, even the heat of the office not curing the chills occasionally running through his slim frame. He unwound his scarf from his neck and draped it over Michael with a chuckle before setting his Red Bull on his desk.

Michael slung the scarf back. But, unlike anyone but Gavin to notice, his toss was much more gentle than usual.

“Did you two idiots decide that you would actually get out of bed today instead of fucking until after noon?” Geoff scoffed, stopping his chair and getting up. He headed for the door, an empty cup in his hand. He patted Gavin’s head, ruffled his hair, and eyed the maroon spot on his neck.

“Geoff, how’d you know?” Michael gasped, laughing as Gavin swatted Geoff away.

There were days when the two wished they hadn't of announced their relationship to the entire office and fans at three months. If it wasn’t the endless teasing from the guys in the Achievement Hunter office or the pushy fans, it was the rest of the Rooster Teeth company shoving them into each other and/or  _accidentally_ locking them into rooms together.

Sure, it was all fun and games. And, sure, everyone accepted them (if someone didn’t, they hadn’t spoken up yet, which was enough to ask for.) But there were days when Gavin just wanted to lay on top of Michael on a couch without someone taking a picture and posting it on Twitter in two seconds flat.

With only Jack in the room working diligently on his own work, Gavin was stuck with wrapping his scarf back around his neck, tucking his chin in, and started turning everything at his desk on.

He was aware of Michael staring at him. He was quite used to eyes following his fingers as they spanned across the keyboard. A hand trailing down his back or two. But what he wasn’t aware of was Michael’s eyes lingering on Gavin’s pink splotched cheeks.

“Hey, Gavin,” Michael quietly called, not wanting to bother Jack this early in the morning.

“Yeah, boy?”

“I think you’re precious.”

Gavin just opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds, breathing in the words that slipped from Michael. He tipped his chair to the side, meeting the gaze of Michael’s eyes that seemed vulnerable and quite lost in his mind.

Lost in adoration. Lost in the fact that he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut around Gavin anymore. Not that he wanted to anyway.

Gavin tipped far enough to leave a kiss on Michael’s flushed nose. His wild hair tickled Michael’s eyebrow and then Michael was thinking about this morning and then this morning was all that Michael could think about. Gavin’s hair and Gavin’s weight and Gavin’s smile and Gavin’s soft words and Gavin’s warm skin and Gavin.

Gavin.

Michael gently, because Gavin was precious and pretty and his, kissed his very own blue sky before it could disappear.

Michael wasn’t the same when he was with Gavin. He was softer. And good lord was he more breathless.

\---

_"Michael, you silly boy," Gavin sung as he entered the office. The red head turned towards him with a soft smile. It was something that made such a strange and confusing morning okay. Michael's smile always made everything okay._

_"Good morning, Gavvy," Michael grabbed at Gavin's side, completely ignoring the aggravating cooing coming from the other men in the room. Gavin leaned down and finally grabbed a hold of his morning kiss. He poured the crushed petals hidden in his hand down in to Michael's hood._

_"You better make this little adventure fun for making me miss morning time with you," Gavin said as he slipped down into his seat, dodging a paper ball tossed by Ray._

_Michael just grinned and shook his body, sending flower petals flying. He pushed his chair closer and touched their noses, only slightly flushed from being obvious in front of the Lads and Gents. "Of course, Gav. When have I ever let you down?"_

_"Oh, fuck off," Geoff grumbled._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment telling me what you think! I always answer.


	2. Japanese Cherry Blossoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And that was how the neons of Michael Jones became pastels and he just wanted to curl up in bed with a boy who said stupid things and remember why he woke up every morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters may be portrayed out of character to help flow with the plot.  
> Any run-ons and strange grammatical choices are entirely intended.
> 
> Crushed Japanese Cherry Blossom.  
> “Spiritual beauty.”  
> Free, unabridged, and everyone forgets that it’s fucking foreign.

_“Michael,” Gavin dragged out. “Do you really have to leave in the morning? You can’t just look at it with me?”_

_Gavin’s thin fingers wrapped lightly around Michael’s throat and ran them down to the barren collarbones. Gavin’s certainly weren’t barren; the color of rage. He nosed at Michael’s neck, sleep threatening to pull him under into a world without Michael._

_Michael huffed and turned Gavin back around, stretching his limbs over his cold and tired lamb, bringing warmth and certain safety. He shoved his nose into the nape of Gavin’s neck and stroked at the hip bones that only Michael was allowed to coddle, but never bruise._

_“Gavin, go to bed.”_

_“Michael!”_

_“Gavin!” Michael squawked in a mocking tone. “You’re gonna be tired in the morning if you don’t get any sleep. Groggy you equals a pissy you and then I have to keep everyone from jumping on your ass.”_

_The body in his arms vibrated with a soft chill. He curled further in, trapping as much heat as he dared. Michael rested his head on the top of the feathered hair, running his fingers through the crevasses. Gavin pressed against him, bringing a hand to rest near his own hip, relishing the moments Michael’s fingertips brushed against his._

_And then Michael was holding his hand and suddenly he didn’t care what came about in the morning. Michael was his morning. And his morning would be in the office, and he’d be happy._

_And so when he woke up and there still weren’t any bruises on his hips and there was a pile on the dresser, he decided his morning was worth waking up to an alarm clock instead of lips in between his eyes._

 

Good morning, Gav. I hope you woke up on your second day alone okay. I know my boy isn’t a fan of change. But just a little longer, okay? I’ll cook you breakfast if you make it through this week. I love you. You better not have morning breath when you get to the office.

 

Japanese Cherry Blossom: Spiritual Beauty.

I love when you speak British, even if others don’t.

\- Michael

 

_Gavin placed the note back onto the dresser and scooped the light pink, broken petals into his jacket pocket. He stared at the tiny pieces left behind and shifted them around with his pointer finger, rearranging little constellations with the thought of love lingering on his eyelids. Only Michael could make him drowsy with fondness._

\---

The Achievement Hunters were getting tired of being asked, no, told to invite community members to play with them. It wasn’t that the guys disliked their fans, but it was that their fans disliked them. It was weird, it was unfair, but it was true. One follower could have a shrine built for Michael, but could find Jack to be a disease. And while hurting each other's feelings was a sport, no one planned on letting the other team kick one of the boys in the shin. In was an inside thing that Geoff wasn’t too fond of opening to the public.

But today was different. And for some reason everyone woke up feeling like the internet wasn’t such a harsh place with harsh people writing harsh comments.

Harsh. Kind of like what the weather was like. Harsh enough to have Gavin bundled up in a blanket that he fought with Ryan over. Harsh enough for Michael to be wearing two sweaters, one that Gavin was dumb enough to hand over. He was in a snow storm and Michael offered it back but hey, Gavin thought he looked cute. And Gavin just wanted to fall into Michael’s eyes and disappear with him somewhere that was enveloped in snow and nowhere but everywhere all at once.

But Ryan was adding someone named Dylan and Gavin had to wait for two hours to snuggle into someone smelling of lavender and cotton.

“Alright, guys, you ready?” Ryan called over. He was buried in his scarf, mumbling about buffering and the “damn wait.”

Michael sighed and leaned back in his chair, tapping the arm of the seat impatiently. He wasn’t keen on inviting someone to play with them. It was unknown territory and he never loved that idea. He liked knowing what eggshells not to step on, what bushes to beat around. Where his footing was. At least with that, it was just him, and he could handle himself. But the other problem involved another human. And he couldn't control another human.

He didn’t usually have issues at work when it involved his relationship. He never denied doing anything. He never asked others not to involved Gavin. Work was work and Gavin was his own person who could deal with his own person things. 

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t uncomfortable when Gavin interacted with unpredictable people. He wasn’t an asshole who restricted his boyfriends social life, but he damn sure kept an eye out when Gavin talked to a new fan or a new friend he just met. So how was Michael dealing with Gavin speaking to a new person whose actions and words he couldn’t predict? Someone who didn't understand that Gavin was a strange and important being who was to be treated as such?

Not well at all.

Gavin Free wasn’t a person who watched his words before he said them. He had a filter, but it was weak and clumps of _idiot_ slipped by all the time.

“Ready, Rye-Bread!” Gavin sung, spinning in his chair once, throwing a grin at Michael as he struggled to get his arms out of his blanket. Michael grabbed his hands and helped him out, and Gavin wheezed.

It was going well. Slasher wasn’t something that could go wrong. Things couldn’t fall apart and no one could make a thunder storm over stupid decisions. Dylan was light weighted and he was bright and excited, so the experience was actually really nice and Gavin was smiling more than Michael could handle. Michael smiled too, he always did when Gavin was around.

He was always smiling.

But somewhere, somehow, Dylan started getting testy. He started getting comfortable.

 _Too_ comfortable.

The words “idiot” and “asshole” and others as such were beginning to get thrown around, and those words and worst were always in the AH room. But between the normal boys. Between friends and family. They started as jokes, then the words became heated and they became personal.

The three boys were dealing with it. Dylan only had this chance once, they didn’t want to ruin it just because they might be sensitive. It was stupid. Stupid that Michael twitched every time Dylan targeted Gavin each time. Stupid that Michael felt anger plunge through his veins every time the British boy was called a “bloody tosspot” in a dumb accent.

A wrong accent. Wrongwrongwrongwrong.

“You fucking idiot, it’s not a torch!” Dylan screamed as Gavin stabbed him.

Gavin squawked and giggled, letting loose a screech as he was bludgeoned by Ryan’s flashlight. “It is too, you dummy!” Gavin shouted, his voice reaching high octaves, his smile bright and childish and Michael knew it shouldn’t be. His boyfriend wasn’t aware of Dylan blatantly _not_ kidding. This boy was hot headed, like him, and he knew where that led.

“Got ‘em!” Ryan laughed.

“If you want to say torch, go the fuck back to Britain, you dumbass!”

“Hey!” Michael raised his voice, trying to keep himself in check. “Let’s calm down with the name calling there, buddy.”

Ryan immediately shut down his victory party, sensing the valid, but dangerous, storm that was brewing in Michael’s head. It was immediately fragile and tense between Michael and Dylan before anything else could even be said.

Ryan and everyone else all knew it would be smart for Dylan to laugh it off and not say anything more about the situation. But he wasn’t smart.

Oh, god, was he not smart.

There was a slow intake of breath, “Just because you’re fucking an idiot doesn’t mean said idiot can _be an idiot._ ”

Gavin breathed a heavy breath. One that knew there was trouble. One that still seemed to be weighing on his chest. He reached over and gently touched Michael’s shoulder. It was stressed and it was shaking and Gavin usually knew what to do but not now and now was _important._

Michael tried, he really did. He tried to tell himself to get up and walk outside. He tried to tell himself just to grab Gavin and hold his weight and make sure he was okay and he was there and he wasn’t in danger.

He tried.

_He isn’t in danger._

“I’d suggest you shut your fucking mouth before I beat the shit out of you.”

This wasn’t Michael who got killed in Minecraft. This wasn’t Michael who was driven off the road in GTA V. This was Michael whose flowers and clouds and winds were being threatened and disrespected and he couldn’t; he _couldn’t_ handle that.

“Michael, please,” Gavin whispered. But there was a crack in his voice. There was a _crack_ and Michael heard it. He  _heard_ it. Michael knew that Gavin couldn’t handle pressure and judgment from someone who he wasn't close with. Especially verbal confrontation. It was a flaw he'd been working on for far too long to be ruined now. 

He didn’t cry because he doesn’t cry often. But he was heavy and he was worried and his chest was a bundle of nerves tightening and loosening and screaming _idiot_ through his ribs and directly into his heart.

“Michael, seriously,” Ryan half warned, because this guy sent his paternal instinctsroaring but he didn’t want this to turn into something that they couldn’t handle.

“No, no. _Fuck_ that. Gavin hasn’t done shit but smile while playing with you. So much that the blanket he’s using is falling off with his damn wiggling and squealing. You’re a complete asshole who was pissed because someone used a word you didn’t like-”

“You make fun of that shit too-”

“Because we fucking _can_ because he _lets_ us! And interrupt me one more time and I swear to god. I’m not going to sit by while you fuck with someone who just wants to eat toast while playing with some guy he doesn’t even know. So _fuck_ you. Go the _fuck_ away before I shove something down your throat,” Michael seethed, barely breathing between his fucks because Gavin’s eyes were wide and his chest wasn't moving and his lips were red from biting at them and if they bled Michael _s_ _wears to God-_

“Like you do to Gavin every night, right?”

And then Michael was gone, out the door. His controller and his second sweater were on the floor. His headphones had been ripped from the computer and so were Gavin’s lungs. Ryan was saying something but Gavin didn’t hear it because he was somehow getting his shaky legs to take him outside.

The cold air brought goosebumps but Gavin was only overheating and he was frightened because Michael never walked out. Michael was always there.

“Michael?” Gavin called quietly. Gavin wasn’t quiet because he was scared. He was never scared of Michael. His ray of sunshine would never cause true harm to him. But he was hard to control and it was scarcely fun to add flame to his anger. The British boy turned the corner to find an angry boy pacing.

He was pacing near cars that he wanted to smash and cars that he wanted to drive away in but they weren’t Gavin and suddenly all he could think about was Gavin. Is Gavin threatened, is Gavin scared, is Gavin still in that room.

And Michael was on his way to find Gavin when he saw him.

Gavin.

He said that name a lot these days.

“Hi, my little hero,” Gavin said as he look pigeon toed steps towards him. With no hesitation and with a smile. Michael was instantly eased by Gavin’s ability to never be fearful around him. 

Michael engulfed his sky in his arms and breathed in his scent of fresh laundry and flannel sweaters and ocean spray. Then a warm, black sweater was being thrown over his head and his heart warmed quicker than his body.

“You left this behind. You’re going to get cold, my boy,” Gavin smiled. He was wrapped inside his pure white blanket and Michael was reminded of the deity in his life. Gavin’s flushed pink cheeks and his wet eyelashes and his tight sweatpants and Michael was in love. He even almost forgot why he was outside. Why the love of his life was huddled up in a blanket in the middle of January.

“Forget about me, Gav. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, Michael, I’m fine. I was always fine.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. I know you,” Michael took a breath, reminding himself to calm down when Gavin shrunk absentmindedly further into his cocoon. “I don’t. I don’t mean to go off like that, Gav. I haven’t in awhile. You know that. I shouldn't go crazy like that.”

It was silent and Michael didn't know why Gavin wasn't talking.

"I wanted to throw my computer across the room."

Gavin stepped forward and rested his head on Michael’s shoulder. His soft, butterscotch hairs tickled at Michael’s neck. He scrunched his arms up against Michael’s chest and sighed away his stress and his worry, "It just makes me sad that you're disappointed in yourself. It's okay to be angry when you haven't been angry in a while. You are just fine the way you are, Michael. I'll let you know when you go too far."

“You’re not scared of me?”

“Never, Michael.”

And that was how the neons of Michael Jones became pastels and he just wanted to curl up in bed with a boy who said stupid things and remember why he woke up every morning.

\---

_“Michael?”_

_Michael jumped at the soft voice that came from behind him. He twirled in his chair, ignoring Ray yelling “hello” to Gavin._

_“Hey, bud,” Michael smiled as Gavin leaned down to kiss him, sprinkling crushed flowers around him._

_“I’m still never scared of you.” It was random. It was quick. And it was heavy with all things that were light._ _All of the chatter died down immediately. Kerry and Miles side-eyed Geoff who shrugged, rolling his eyes. He was used to this bullshit._

_“I’ve known since that day, Gav. Self control’s gotta be driven by something,” Michael whispered, highly aware of everyone in the room. “And that something’s you.”_

_“Oh, my cheesy boy,” said a British accent, accompanied by a British smile and soft British eyes. And a British kiss on the nose. And then Michael's head was full of cotton balls hanging in a lilac sky painted with daisies._

_“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Geoff huffed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment telling me what you think! I always answer.


	3. Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His breathing slowed and then he was thinking of how red Michael could be.  
> And then he remembered how Michael touched him like he was beautiful and even told him so and then everything was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters may be portrayed out of character to help flow with the plot.  
> Any run-ons and strange grammatical choices are entirely intended.
> 
> Crushed Rose.  
> “Love in all it’s forms.”  
> Passion, romance, and rage.

_Gavin didn’t even complain this time. Michael didn’t even ask how he felt about it. It was the third day of a cold bed and neither could be too upset with the adventure hanging over their heads. It was almost automatic this time._

_MIchael gave the same kiss on the forehead, and Gavin folded up Michael’s clothes thrown on the floor._

_But this time when Gavin caught a glance of the broken petals on the dresser, he found a more bold color than the last two days of pink. Bold and obvious rose petals were scattered on the dresser, more messy than ever._

_The Brit couldn’t help but smile a field of flowers knowing Michael fought getting up this morning and ended up in a hurry._

 

Good morning, Gavvy. Leaving you in bed this morning was harder than the last two days. I’d like to think it’s because I want to keep sleeping, but I know it’s because my boy is too warm for his own good. (All thanks to me because you’re always cold when we go to bed.) See you soon. I love you.

 

Rose: Love in All It’s Forms.

I’m sorry that sometimes I see red, but you can always bring me back.

\- Michael

  

_Gavin pinched the pile._

_His breathing slowed and then he was thinking of how_ red _Michael could be. And then he remembered how Michael touched him like he was beautiful and even told him so and then everything was okay._

\---

Michael hadn’t exactly planned on coming to this office party. He loved his friends, he loved parties, and he loved hanging out with his friends at parties. But he also appreciated a quiet night at his home with Gavin. Sometimes there was just a fine line between feeling like getting drunk and wanting to watch his boyfriend ruin dinner and call in Chinese.

He was really feeling that second one tonight. But Gavin wasn’t. And he couldn’t say no when his lifeline was draped over the arm of the couch squeaking that he slipped and that he needed his boy to help him.

Honestly, no one could.

But Michael, he had said, we can go home and make love afterwards and watch dumb old movies. It’ll be fun, he had said. Well, Michael wasn’t having fun standing in a crowd of close friends in a decently sized bar.

It was classy and it was roomy, but it sure as hell wasn’t his house.

But his fellow employees were laughing and it didn’t take long for him to laugh either, especially with Gavin standing by him. Everyone was having a wonderful time. The bar smelt like loneliness and spices and love, only two of those relevant to him.

There were plenty of familiar faces around, and a few that he wasn’t quite used to as they worked behind scenes. And because there was only one official office party a month, the two boys felt the need to actually socialize. It wasn’t a huge issue, barely one to begin with. It was just a rough and long day. Any bed seemed pretty great at the moment.

With Gavin in it too, of course.

But the British fellow adored these events. He loved people’s jokes and characters and their way of making him feel important. People felt drawn to his British accent and the normal silliness that flooded out. At least that’s what Michael tells him.

Michael says that’s why he fell in love with him.

He was flitting around like a bird, enjoying everyone’s presence and making sure that Michael was near him or at least in sight. Neither one of them were a big fan of leaving each other alone in large, crowded places like this. It wasn’t much a controlling feeling, but just the need to know the other was safe and sound.

The two had both agreed on limiting the amount of alcohol that they drank. They wanted to go home as themselves and not fumbling fools. It wasn’t an extremely common idea, but the week had been stressful and they had the weekend off. It was going to be a calm weekend of just them enjoying their time together.

Gavin told Michael they’d make a pillow fort, but Michael had a feeling that it would just end in the other shoving them into a pile of pillows and blankets and telling Michael about his first time filming with Dan.

He’d heard that story countless times, but Gavin’s wanderlust eyes and the way he twiddled his thumbs would keep him dreaming of him for days. He’d ask Gavin all about it again a week later.

Gavin was a keepsake that tasted of vanilla and cinnamon and almost ever always left him wanting more.

However, the fact that Gavin was clearly busy (and taken) wasn’t quite getting across to someone hanging around the side of the bar. It also wasn’t getting across that even though Gavin was a social butterfly, he was constantly playing with the hem of his sweater. He wasn’t completely comfortable and he wasn’t completely secure and that’s because his boy was speaking to Blaine about “pecks.”

Then there was a hand on his hip. Gavin smiled with a smile of adoration and complete trust as he spun around, reaching up to touch a chest he was incredibly familiar with.

Expect it wasn’t familiar.

He froze. Gavin was looking only slightly up to meet the eyes of someone who’s chest wasn’t perfect for him and a shirt that was too tight. The hand still present on his hip wasn’t there in his mind.

And the moment that it was, his mind screamed an alarm that sent his heart through a marathon. Because he wasn’t used to this. He was used to men and women walking right passed him because he had another soul tracing his collarbones and playing with his sleeve.

But now he didn’t.

But he also wasn’t a teenage boy anymore who was frightened of any unwanted attention.

So he reached down and pulled the hand off, effectively ignoring the knowing look that Burnie was giving him. Geoff eyed him immediately, looking for danger.

Because Gavin wasn’t a teenage boy anymore who was frightened of any unwanted attention.

But he was Gavin. And Gavin couldn’t protect himself physically. It was something that Michael whispered on nights that he was feeling insecure. Insecure that he couldn’t protect Gavin. Something that was never asked of him but felt was his job.

It was silly in Gavin’s mind, but the Jersey boy was always silly.

“I’m sorry,” Gavin smiled. “I’m not available and I’m not looking.”

It should’ve been an easy sentence. It should’ve been received so easily. But in their terrifying lifetime, no was taken lightly and so was a man shaking.

“Really? Because I don’t see anyone here.”

There was a hand resting on his neck and then his mind was going haywire.

In his little world that meant dominance and the hand hovered over his entire being and shut everything down. Michael was only allowed to touch him _there_. He couldn’t care if it was dumb or unpredictable, it _affected_ him. Everyone knew it and he couldn’t expect this guy to know but he was uncomfortable and he had tremors and he was _a_ _llowed to be upset._

“Take your hands off of me. I told you I wasn’t open,” Gavin tried, his voice shaking and he felt stupid all over again. He should be able to just shove the guy off, tell him he didn’t want any of it, and then walk away. But he _co_ _uldn’t_ and he didn’t know why.

_Please, Michael._

It was pathetic, and Gavin knew that.

There was a second hand by the nape of his neck and Michael’s ghost touches were replaced by a sweatier image of dominance and unkindness. His chest was touching his and Gavin couldn’t move his legs.

His mind was going haywire.

He was better than this. He was stronger than this. But his legs were lead and for a moment Gavin realized that maybe this was what fear was. The smell of aftershave and cologne with a promise of finding someone that night. An intention. A plan.

His mind was going haywire.

“Come to the bathroom with me.”

The fingers tightened. He was closer. He was closer. He was closer. Geoff was closer. Miles was closer. The world was closing _in on him._

_His mind ceased._

Michael was closer.

The hot headed Jersey boy was already bent over the attacker's body, pummeling into his face. The boy who was Gavin’s sun was shining too bright and it was all too much all at once.

He was only slightly aware of Geoff keeping unnaturally close to him. He was only _very_ aware of plenty familiar faces hovering near him as he leaned down and grasped at Michael’s shoulders.

Even though blood was spurting from the crooked nose and Gavin was screaming a name, he was blinded by rage. He was blinded by fear. He was blinded by the need to keep a certain human being safe. All he could think of was the smell of cinnamon and the knowledge of affection and belonging. And it was so enraging.

“Michael. Michael, please!” Gavin shouted, pulling at Michael’s face, who huffed and turned so quickly that Gavin was almost knocked back. But he kept hold of his boy’s face and checked for any wounds and kept his voice calm all at once because he _loved_ this boy.

He had experience with Michael's blackouts. He had dealt with Michael storming out at three in the morning. And he'd seen plenty of pillows and clothes being thrown in anger, because if something was broken, they both knew things had gone over the line. But Gavin had seen it all, and he worked Michael through it. Now Michael couldn't even stomp away angrily without giving Gavin a touch or a promise to remind them both how much Gavin was cherished and vise versa.

“What, Gavin? He was _hurting_ you. He was  _pressuring_ you! What if you were drunk, huh? What would’ve happened then?” Michael hissed. But his hiss was wet and so were his eyes and everything was too quiet for a brawl. He could hear Burnie hurriedly explaining to the bartender and Geoff’s ragged breaths and _G_ _od_ was he glad Ray wasn’t here.

“Then you would’ve been there, Michael,” Gavin spoke softly, gripping his cheeks and trying so hard to smile and show Michael he was whole and _okay,_  “Michael, I’m okay. I’m okay. I swear it. I’m right here. You wouldn’t have let anything happen. He’s gone and you are too and I need you to come back.”

Everything,  _everything_ at that very moment was about calming Michael down. 

There was a groan below them. But when Michael saw red, he saw Gavin, and then everything was coral. And he could see through coral. Because Gavin was okay and Gavin wasn’t shaking anymore.

Michael immediately sprung up from the body that was dreaming of consensual relationships and grabbed a hold of Gavin’s neck, massaging and checking and completely ignoring everyone practically crowded around them. Gavin was never to be put second.

Gavin was a keepsake. And the fingerprints on him were misleading and _wrong_.

“Oh, God, Gavin. I’m so sorry I hadn’t seen it earlier. I’m so sorry I didn’t stop it before it happened. I heard you say my name and I was there. I promise I was,” Michael murmured, kissing Gavin’s eyelashes and finding his fingers at the end of Gavin’s hair.

The embarrassment that flooded Gavin was ridiculous. He had c _alled out_ to Michael? He knew it was quiet because not many people noticed the atrocity that was Gavin being felt up. But Michael’s fingers were frantic and he could hide under their pillow fort later.

“You goof. It’s my fault for freezing like that,” Gavin stroked Michael’s cheek, utterly aware of eyes on them and really wishing it was over already, “Come on, now. We’ll go home and talk more and figure out how we’re gonna deal with this. We’ll see everyone on Monday.”

And when Michael looked up and remembered he had _literally_ lost his mind in front of his entire work, Gavin wished he could’ve taken a picture.

\---

“Burnie said the bartender would explain everything to the authorities.”

Michael huffed against Gavin’s shoulders. He was holding his world in his arms and he still felt like it was ending. “That’s really great, Gavin.”

The body turned, engulfed in warmth and made of bones. He buried his nose into Michael’s collarbones and gave a soft sigh. A sigh of thought. Sometimes when things got too serious and there was a tidal wave of responsibility, they always grimaced and shrunk away. It was hard to be an adult. 

“Michael, we need to talk about it.”

“I know, Gav, I just…” Michael whispered to the little world that was his, the too large universe shouting his doubts and fears at him. “I don’t want you or anyone else being on edge because I’m an asshole. I mean, I can’t just step between two people instead of knocking one on his ass.”

“He deserved it.” Gavin spoke to the room that was only theirs.

“Yeah. Yeah, he did.”

“No one is or will be on edge, Michael. Everyone knows how you can be. And you certainly are not a savage. You don’t act like that normally. My little Michael is sensitive and he keeps what’s important to him safe-”

“Don’t make excuses for me or romanticize it, Gavin.”

“And I froze in my place. I allowed for him to do that to me. I could’ve let him feel me up, I could’ve…” Gavin’s voice shuddered with complete and utter revulsion. “I could’ve let him take me to his house. He _told_ me to go and he touched my neck and then I was just useless and that’s not fair to you Michael and we need to talk about me just giving up and-”

Michael was rubbing at the hills that were Gavin’s curves and he was gripping tighter than he usually did, “Gavin, please stop. You’re rambling and you’re getting yourself worked up. It’s not your fucking fault that you’ve got a brain that believes in assholes staking claim on you. It’s pretty damn normal really.”

He leaned down and poured his love into Gavin’s eyes, “We both reacted on emotions, the difference is mine harmed someone. I’m going to work on keeping myself calm. Because I don’t want something like that to happen again. It could get both of us into trouble.”

Gavin breathed in everything that was Michael and could only think of rainy mornings as he somehow brought himself closer. “Okay, Michael. Thank you for always watching out for me. Even if you shouldn’t have to.”

“I will beat the shit out of you too if you don’t quit with that.”

Gavin giggled and nosed his love’s neck, relishing in the comforting weight that was Michael’s hands resting on his neck and the small of his back. He reached behind Michael and trailed his fingers over the bed sheets that hung above their head. The ripples glistening in the light that illuminated from above.

Because while Michael was bandaging his fist, Gavin was putting up his pillow fort with a promise of back scratches and telling the story of when him and Dan first filmed.

He was always stuck wondering why Michael liked to hear that story so much.

\---

 _This time Michael wasn’t even ready for it. Before he could even turn towards the door, he had a handful of_ Gavin _and he was just trying to keep him from falling, honestly._

_“Gavin, what the fuck!” Michael half laughed, half shouted as he finally got a hold of Gavin, those shoulders so bony and tender and it took everything for Michael not to bruise and batter them. A knee was mushed into his cheek and Gavin was hanging by a thread, his head by the arm of the chair._

_And then so was Michael’s and their lips were attached and Gavin was squealing into his mouth but he was used to that by now. There were crushed roses lost in his lap and he couldn’t care less at that moment._

_“You are going to be the death of me, Michael,” Gavin smiled._

_“Tell me about it,” Michael huffed as he struggled to keep his boyfriend from slamming into the ground. It didn’t help that Ray was literally_ cheering.

_“You are the best little boy I’ve ever come across!”_

_“What other little boys have you come across?” Michael exclaimed. He touched the floor with Gavin’s head. Uncontrollable British giggles filled the office and Michael’s mind was a painted picture of Gavin’s smile._

_“I’m done with this shit,” Geoff puffed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment telling me what you think! I always answer.


	4. Borages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael was sleep and apple juice and daffodils and Gavin was just an accent. An accent Michael did not want to hear when he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters may be portrayed out of character to help flow with the plot.  
> Any run-ons and strange grammatical choices are entirely intended.
> 
> Crushed Borage.  
> “Courage.”  
> Exotic, delicate, but liberated.

_“Hey, Michael?” Gavin whispered._

_“Yeah, Gav?”_

_“Thank you. For always making everything so great,” said the British boy whose eyes were born warm and heart born open. He shifted his head from Michael’s chest, never forgetting the sound of the all too familiar heartbeat and nuzzled the neck so close to him._

_Michael’s chest fluttered and he spanned his fingers out over Gavin’s rib cage and remembered the day he first fell in love with this extraordinary being. And he remembered the few times he snuck extra food onto Gavin’s plate because he always worried when he touched bones._

_He sighed, “That’s just my job, boy. Geoff’s passed it on to me.”_

_“Yeah, but, Geoff didn’t do the things you do to me.”_

_Michael scoffed, “Well, I hope not! Seriously, though, Gavin. If I had to peg my favorite thing in this God damn universe, it would be making you happy.”_

_And so Gavin kissed Michael’s dimples and asked the clouds why he got so lucky._

_“Oh, thank you, my lovely boy,” Gavin smiled with all teeth._

_“You’re welcome, little one.”_

_And see, Gavin hadn’t heard that term of endearment in a while. So he breathed it into his lungs and swore he’d hold onto it forever._

_Gavin absorbed the heat that Michael radiated, knowing it wouldn’t be there in the morning. Closing his eyes, he clutched the waistband of his boyfriend’s boxers and concentrated on the fingers tracing his ribs; bone by bone._

_“I love you, Michael. Goodnight.”_

_Michael kissed the top of his head, “Love you too. Sleep well.”_

_\---_

_The fourth day that Gavin was met with crushed petals, he realized that Michael must’ve planned this because where the_ fuck _was he going to get_ this _flower when he was almost constantly with Gavin for the past two years. The soft blue flowers were his favorite so far, color wise. The pastel velveteens wrapped around the note._

Good morning, Gav. After our talk last night, I felt the need to remind you of how happy _you_ make _me._ This is a two way street, buddy. I’m pretty sure you’re the only person I’d ever manage my anger for. Please don’t forget how I changed for you. Because if you do, you’ll forget how much I love you. Now, get your ass to the office.

 

Borage: Courage.

Thank you for not letting me treat you like shit.

\- Michael

\---

You know, Gavin loved podcasts. They were laughter and joy. They were friendship and everything quiet that Gavin needed. Burnie was his ray of sunshine on normal days, so sitting with him for an hour, not expected to be funny but just to _be._ Yeah, that was phenomenal.

And today Michael was a guest. Gavin was overjoyed and just wanted to sit hip to hip and shoulder to shoulder and heart to heart, and so he did. He wanted nothing more than to be filled with Michael’s words and poke him every time his accent appeared, and so he did.

He also wanted to pick on Michael because the way his cheeks flushed gave him butterflies but not the kind that were kisses and those were the ones he wanted to get. But they had to wait until Michael dropped him off at Geoff’s. He wanted to make Michael laugh with anger because Michael couldn’t get angry with him without remembering the way Gavin looked after a nap.

And so he did.

But Michael’s hand on his knee was tightening, but his chest was rattling with laughter, but his voice was starting to tighten and Gavin wasn’t sure where everything was going. He was always sure with Michael, at least he thought so. The Jersey boy was his, and he knew his emotions.

“No, Michael, you’re wrong. The prank was funny!”

“Yeah, well, Geoff didn’t think it was funny,” Michael exclaimed, setting his beer on the table. He peeked towards Burnie, smiling when he heard the man’s (slight) giggle.

Gavin threw his hands up, careful not to dislodge Michael from his body because the arm around his shoulder was lovely and warm and everything he’d ever wanted. It was everything that they used to hide. But ever since they announced their relationship at three months because, fuck, everyone was figuring it out and if Ray didn’t post that picture... well, everything was waist grabs and temple kisses.

The British accent was shrill with frustration, “No one likes pranks, Michael! That’s the fun of them, everyone laughs a week later. His hair wasn't ruined or anything.”

“Wasn’t ruined or anything? You dumb fuck, you put _mayonnaise_ in his _shampoo_ bottle. His hair is permanently greasy for like, ever!” Michael shouted. “You fucking idiot!”

And Gavin knew that Michael didn’t mean true harm. He knew that Michael was just being himself, just reacting to the annoyance inside of him the same way he always had. But it had been four months now, and Gavin felt like it was time to think more seriously. Because Gavin saw his boyfriend as something important to care for and watch out for and pour his affection into. He was beginning to worry that that wasn’t what he was. He was just a cactus on the window sill, only looked at to make sure he wasn’t wilting, but not much care needed.

He wanted to be Michael’s daisy.

He decided he wouldn't be treated as such until he let his petals droop once in awhile.

With a shift, slightly seen by everyone in the room, but definitely felt by Michael, Gavin moved away a few inches. Enough inches for punishment.

Michael quirked his eyebrow, looking down at the small space between them, then back up to Gavin, head turned his way and everything. But his eyes were there too quickly and Michael usually loved looking into those crisp, blue skies. But right now they were too bright and it wasn’t with happiness like usually. The orbs that normally brought adoration brought something so much more crushing.

“I’m a fucking idiot, Michael? A harmless joke hardly calls for that.”

“Gav, it wasn’t _harmless_ ,” Michael grumbled. "That’s what I’m trying to get through to you. You can’t just go around making people’s lives hard just for fun and not deal with the consequences. I’m just saying that you’ve gotta quit being-  _don’t fucking do it, Jones,_ \- such a child sometimes.”

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck, yourself Michael. Why the_ fuck _would you say that?_

 _"_ I'll just make sure that I don't make your life hard then, Michael Vincent."

The look in Gavin’s face was final. It was rainy days and everything that Gavin wasn’t. And Michael just didn’t understand why he said those things, at least not until after the podcast was over because apparently it was over as Gavin was reaching up to take his microphone off.

He gave one last look to Michael, one that was so absolutely, horridly bruised with bitterness.

“Hey… come on, now. Gav-” Burnie spoke, so confused by the turn of events that he was turning to look at the behind the scenes, searching for a reasonable prank or someone who had an idea on what the hell was happening.

“Keep going,” Gavin answered shortly, obviously and utterly done. He set his mic on the coffee table, straightened his shirt, and crossed the cameras to head out. This was inappropriate. This was unprofessional. He _knew_ all of this. But he also knew his personal life was just as important as his job and he wasn’t going to let this go on forever. He was okay with _Michael_ calling him a child on video, but not his _boyfriend_. 

This wasn't recent. This had been building up inside of Gavin, climbing up his throat for some time now. He had let it crush his collar bones, let it ride on his shoulders and he just  _couldn't_ anymore.

He didn’t expect Michael to change everything. Definitely not change who he was in general, because that was who Gavin fell in love with. He just wanted Michael to see them as significant others who respected each other at least a little more than irrational friends. He was honestly so silly to think that though.

He shouldn’t have expected Michael to change his attitude for a four month long relationship, no matter how long they had known each other prior. 

Michael was sleep and apple juice and daffodils and Gavin was just an accent. An accent Michael did not want to hear when he woke up.

He was outside of the room already when Michael was stripping his microphone off, “God damn. God _fucking_ damn it.”

Gus, with his raised eyebrows, watched with an amused smile but a slight twitch in the corner of his mouth because _wow._ He’d never seen Gavin walk out of a podcast before. Or get so angry about private affairs, letting the audience see.

“Well, Michael, you-” Burnie started.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I gotta go fix my British, idiot boyfriend. No one told me there’d be sensitivity defects when he was sent to me,” he mumbled, standing up and heading towards the door.

“That kind of talk was what got you into this, _Michael Vincent_!”

“Oh, fuck you, _Michael Burns_.”

\---

Gavin sat down outside the front of the office, running his fingers through his hair too much and staring for too long.

Part of him wished he hadn’t of said anything. Then he reminded himself that was how his past relationships became unhealthy. He never said how he wanted to be spoken to like something actually s _pecial_ and how he liked the left side of the bed and how he wanted that hand _off his neck._

These were things he wanted Michael to know but he was receding into his shell and it was dark and cold but it was better than feeling his fingers tear at his scalp. He finally stood up for himself and it was in a room crowded with people and cameras taping them.

He was great.

And then there was a hand on his neck, and he remembered why he put up with Michael. Because he only ever felt significant and vital and so, so whole. His hand was an anchor only to keep him steadied, not cemented.

“So, Gav, you wanna talk about just now?” Michael asked gently, sitting next to his boyfriend. He shouldered the body next to him with the same force as a breeze and touched their temples. The pulse gave him gravity and certainty.

"Not really."

"That's not true."

"I know."

Michael knocked their knees together, "Lay it on me, Gavin. I can take it."

And then the dam that was  _Gavin_ broke.

“Michael,” Gavin started. “I just don't  _understand_ why even after  _all_ this time, you still don't talk to me differently. I don't know if I'm awful for wanting you to literally  _change_ how you speak to me, I don't know. You've always been mean. I mean, I don't  _mean_ that you're an asshole. That's not what I'm- oh damn it. I just. I thought that after four months you wouldn't be as harsh. I don't want you to wake up one morning and decide that we're not as serious as I think we are and that we're not  _real_ or something like that."

Gavin's voice was wet, "I know it sounds so ridiculous, but it's not to  _me_. I just want you to see me as _important_." 

Taking in the information, Michael held back his smile. Gavin was too good for this world as he fumbled with his words. Even if he knew exactly what his boyfriend was trying to say, he listened intently and gave him his time. He was especially shocked, though, to realize what his mistake was.

He’d taken into consideration how they as a couple and individuals were altering. He was taking it slow because he didn’t want to fuck up their friendship, not when he cherished this boy in his life so much. And in doing so, he’d had trouble developing the way he acted. Physically, he was ready to wrap around Gavin and be squished next to him every chance they got.

Emotionally, however, he was caught in a web of _s_ _hould I say this?_ and _is this too much?_ and  _is Gavin okay with this?_

It was frustrating and it was dark some days and light others, but he was going through it with Gavin. It was easier to second guess every move you make when someone like _that_ was looking up at you.

He just didn’t realize that Gavin was ready to move even quicker. He prided himself on how he took care of Gavin. How he cared for him more than himself.

And his ribs were impaling his lungs to think he was failing.

“Gavin, I know we haven’t… had sex, or anything like that yet. I know we just look all stupid and silly to others. But I can assure you, I see you as something so special and important. Fuck, you see, I’m not _used_ to being mushy. I only try because of you. Because I love you, and you know that. I look at you as something that I have to work hard to deserve. I don’t think any of the assholes at this place deserve you. I don’t think I do,” Michael said.

He brushed a tuft of hair off of Gavin’s forehead, “But you make me happy and I just want to make you happy too. I’m scared that I’m going to ruin this, all the time. I want you to know all of this so that whenever I get angry, it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with me and not being able to keep my dumb mouth shut. I'm so sorry that what I said earlier actually hurt you that much. I didn't mean for it to. You know how happy you can make people. Don't listen to my assholery.”

And, well, Gavin wasn’t speaking because he really c _ouldn’t_ anymore. His mind had shut down in the best way possible, filled with Michael’s smell and his freckles.

“I’m serious. I love you and I’m going to work on how I talk to you, okay?”

Gavin kissed the words out of Michael’s mouth.

And Michael kissed all the doubt away. When he pulled away, he was so tempted to be drawn back to his warm world that was Gavin, the orbiting moon that he always was. 

He rubbed at Gavin’s shoulder blades, “So, listen. We still need to talk a little more about this. I don’t want you having a meltdown like you just did. If you think I’m being an asshole, give it to me.”

“If I need to tell you something, just say it? You won’t get pissy, right?”

“No, Gavin. That’s what normal relationships are like.”

Then Gavin scoffed with a heaviness that Michael tended to gravitate to. He was always there to draw dark subjects from his boyfriend, even if it wasn’t wanted. Because he’d seen what holding something like that inside could cause.

“You’re worried we could become your other relationships.”

It wasn’t a question or a demand, but a statement. He used all of himself to make sure he sounded open and accepting. Gavin was a being who couldn’t feel judged, or he’d shut down. If he sensed one red flag, he was ducking.

“Michael, please don’t think I’m insulting you or doubting you or-”

“Gav. You have every right to be afraid. Quit freaking the fuck out, okay? I understand. That’s what this,” he motioned between them, “is all about. You should feel like you can talk about this. If you don’t, then it’s me fucking up.”

Gavin huffed and bounced his knee, visibly heading towards an emotional override, “It’s not that I’m scared to talk about it. I mean, it is, but it’s not. I’m not scared of _you_ , I’m scared that I’m going to jinx something or bloody hell, I’m gonna make you think I don’t see us lasting.”

His head was starting to hurt and the permanent warmth that Michael implanted into his heart was starting to _scorch_ him. He didn’t want to think about relationships anymore or where his life was going or how Michael made him feel.

“You’re getting worked up. How about this. You sleep at my place tonight, no leaving,” he grabbed Gavin’s hand. “We can talk about everything in private, where no one can hear me and you. If you decide you don’t want to, we can go to sleep. And we’ll talk about it another day, alright?”

“We can talk about everything, you mean it? We can stay up until the morning and I can sleep on the left side and you can… you can sleep behind me?” Gavin muttered.

“Yeah, Gav. You can tell me all about the assholes who didn’t listen to you and I can tell you about how all I’ll ever do is listen to you,” Michael beamed, “while you sleep on the left side.”

And so on the first night Gavin slept at Michael’s home, he told Michael about a boy named Charles who thought his words were obscene and his input was boorish and tough love was the only kind. So Michael slipped in behind him on the right side of the bed, and Gavin woke him up with a shower of kisses.

“You won’t try to find another British boy, right?”

“You’re plenty beautiful for me, Gavin. Promise.”

\---

_“Michael!” Gavin squealed as he hopped into the Achievement Hunter room._

_“Gavin!”_

_Their lips met with a more force than usual, because Michael changed all for Gavin and only for Gavin and that meant the entire universe to him. Michael grunted into the kiss, his chair rolling back a little. Jack groaned peculiarly loudly, turning back to his computer screen._

_“Jesus, Gavin,” Michael chuckled, his freckles deeper than the oceans of Gavin’s eyes and the Brit found it unbearable. They specifically popped next to the blue petals that fluttered onto his cheeks and his nose and Gavin wanted to kiss them away._

_Gavin settled into his seat, starting up his computer. He smirked, “Just glad you never did find another British boy.”_

_And as Gavin reached up to pick an eyelash, he added, “Unless you did, and he just wasn’t as good in bed.”_

_“I fucking hate you,” Michael sighed._

_“Me too,” Geoff said, palm raised into the air._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment telling me what you think! I always answer.


	5. Anemone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While meteors were falling and tidal waves were crashing, he’d kiss Gavin between the eyes and tell him stories of his childhood and how Gavin was his sun and his smile; a beam.
> 
> His own personal sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters may be portrayed out of character to help flow with the plot.  
> Any run-ons and strange grammatical choices are entirely intended.
> 
> Crushed Anemone.  
> “Fragile.”  
> Frail, slight, and careless.

_“You just deserve so much, you know?” Gavin mumbled, his breath promising warmth around the other boy’s ear._

_“I have so much, though,” Michael whispered. His fingertips wrote symphonies inside of Gavin’s thighs and indulged in the sweet, soft skin. He was touching a honey suckled canvas and wondered what he ever did to deserve such permission._

_A huff heavy with the need for dreams sifted through his hair and he closed his eyes, focusing on Gavin’s heartbeat, focusing on his whole being._

_“Not enough.”_

_“So much more than I could ever ask for.”_

_“Michael-”_

_“You’re the most precious thing in my entire life and I don’t get how you can’t see that,” he whispered to the world. Hoping it could hear how much he needed this person. How much he wanted the world to know_ fuck you _,_ you can’t take this from me _._

 _So as smaller hands caressed his shoulder blades, nails dipping into the plunge that was his bones and muscles, he couldn’t help but focus on how Gavin’s knuckles were so prominent. He wanted to kiss them until the veins sticking out enveloped him. He wanted to drown in_ Gavin.

_Gavin brought the Jersey boy’s head forward, resting it on his collarbones. Michael nestled into his neck._

_Gavin swore mildly under his breath, counting the freckles on his boy’s upper back even if the dark rivaled him. He knew where they were. A stargazer finding the Little Bear at first glance._

_“I don’t mean to upset you, Michael.”_

_“You are the dearest thing to me. The world won’t take me until you’re confident in that.”_

_The British boy’s eyes widened, but then closed with the intensity that was Michael’s love. He rested his chin on gorgeous, ginger hair, listening to the piercing dark’s somber secrets._

_“Oh, Michael. What’s gotten into you lately?” Gavin asked with the gentleness of a fawn, his hand exploring the burning locks beneath him. He felt the body next to him scrunch nearer. “You’ve been getting yourself worked up. This week long thing might not be so good for you.”_

_He was startled when Michael grasped his wrist, but not frightened. Never frightened. He shifted backwards, giving full attention to the velvet eyes before him._

_“All it’s done is remind me of how much I care about you. God damn, this is so mushy, I know. But I don’t care when it comes to you, Gavin. Because every day I just remember that you’re too much for this dumb planet to handle,” Michael’s quivering lips and steel tongue managed to form, pulling Gavin close._

_And with that Gavin decided to leave such a conversation for the night to deal with. And he knew the stars had dissolved all doubt when Michael folded his own clothes in the morning._

\---

_The softest of purples avalanched around the note this time and Gavin was starting to feel like there were too many pastel flowers in the world. But Michael picked them for him, and therefore, such a shade had never seemed so beautiful before._

 

I’m sorry if I made you worry last night. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed by how much I care about you. You know I’ve never really dealt with this feeling before you and I. I guess it’s better than me being an emotionless asshole, right? I don’t know. I’m an idiot. Just come to the office so I can stop feeling weird and itchy.

 

Anemone: Fragile.

No matter how much you deny it, you’re bony and thin and you’re entire body is at risk all the time. But I’m not a psychic and I can’t stop an idiot from hurting himself _every_ time.

\- Michael

\---

They were filming an AHWU and well, Michael knew he should be working, but Gavin’s hair was fluffier than yesterday and his sweatpants were glued to his calves and _boy, was he ruined_.

Geoff was ranting about a computer game that was kickstarted and turned into shit, and Jack was pelting fanmade stuffed animals at his head. The room glowed with it’s fervor and Michael was positive this was the only place he belonged.

He wanted to breathe in their laughs and fill his lungs with everything that was fondness.

But before he could fall into the abyss that was his family, a lanky arm blocked his view. Gavin smiled brightly, having turned from the travesty that was the AHWU. He placed both arms on the back of Michael’s chair, almost touching the other’s nose.

“You busy, boy?” Gavin asked.

“Not really. Some light work, why?”

“You’ve had the same frame on your computer for fifteen minutes now. I was just wondering if something was on my Michael’s mind,” he gleamed. He lifted a finger to flick a strand of hair out of Michael’s eyebrow.

But honestly, Michael was so convinced that Gavin was the most _beautiful_ thing he’d ever seen, that he transported back to the age of one and lost all sense of language. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the other’s waist.

Gavin let out a noise of delight. He nosed at the top of Michael’s head, and inhaled the smell of their pillowcases and bed sheets. Where they remembered who they belonged to.

“Nothing on my mind, just amazed at what I’ve been given,” Michael whispered into his shirt. A bitter taste coated his tongue when ribs jabbed into his forehead. He never got used to the natural, angular body that Gavin had. A bone or two, then too many.

“Hey, idiots, quit making out in the shot!” Geoff grumbled, opposite of the affection in his eyes because he knew what slept in Michael’s mind. What he thought of when he had that certain someone with him. It wasn’t long ago that Geoff housed said person and got the whole joy ride that was Gavin Free.

He wouldn’t give it up for the world.

Michael held up his middle finger, staring the tattooed man straight in his eyes. A grin of mischief painted his face. Gavin’s squeal filled his rib cage with everything virtuous.

Gavin was just so _good_.

And before he knew it, the bundle inside of his arms was being whisked away. Geoff had Gavin over his shoulder, holding him just under his bum. Michael burst into a fit of laughter, watching the struggle that quickly ensued.

Gavin’s giggles and gurgles filled the microphone, as well as Geoff’s weak words, “Then fuck you guys. I gotta do everything around here.”

Gavin automatically began trying to crawl around Geoff’s neck, wrapping his body around the older man’s neck, akin to a halfway scarf. He held on for dear life, enthused by Geoff’s quickly moving hands, trying to accommodate.

“You fucking lemur, stop it!” Geoff laughed, looking towards Jack, perhaps for pity.

“This is what I have to deal with _every_ fucking day,” Geoff informed the audience, his body leaning over to keep from Gavin outright falling off of him. The British boy clawed at his chest, wheezing as his body was overcome with jolts of laughter, attempting to pull himself to Geoff’s front.

“You fucking idiot, you’re gonna fall and bust your head open,” Geoff said. “I don’t want the blood on my hands, Jack get-”

Jack wasn’t even halfway to the scene before Gavin toppled over Geoff’s front, falling head first. The microphone was dropped in an attempt to catch his charge, but it was to not avail. A dull thump echoed through the room, and the following cry of agony even perforated through Ryan’s headphones.

And well, Michael was already on his feet, spewing venom from his lips as his instincts screamed to _go_ to the most important thing to him. Geoff was sputtering and Ryan was standing, but nothing mattered except for Gavin’s curled up body and his cradled head and his spine showing through his skin and _nonono._

“Fuck, fuck,” Geoff murmured, flinching at the mewl that licked at his friend’s lips.

“Gavin, buddy, where are ya’...” Michael hurried, grasping at Gavin’s hands, trying to dislodge them from Gavin’s head. He zoned in on the bony wrists and decided this boy was his kryptonite.

The boy on the floor whined, only removing one of his hands after it had been pried away, but he didn't remove his knees from his chest. Because evolution blared at him to protect everything else at all cost.

“ _Michael_. I hit my head and shoulder blades, everything went white and _Christ_ ,” Gavin said, accepting Geoff’s hand that searched through his hair, hunting for any injuries. Ryan was already waiting, holding his phone in case there were any signs of anything serious.

“I know, bud. I even bet the _animators_ heard that,” Michael tried to joke, but he couldn’t wipe the anguish from his voice. For a second there, his entire world was _literally_ crashing down. Freak accidents lived in the Rooster Teeth name. God forbid it be _Gavin_ who fell from someone’s shoulder and split his skull in two.

“Any signs of a concussion?” Ryan asked.

“I don’t think so,” Gavin mumbled quietly.

Geoff’s trembling fingers surfaced, “We’re all good. No blood. Fuck, Gavin. Don’t be so _reckless_.”

The nape of Michael’s neck bristled, “You were the one who picked him up.”

“Yeah, but he wasn’t supposed to be a fucking _monkey_ and crawl all over my body!”

“This is Gavin, asshole. Things don’t go normally around him, even if his dumb, two feet are on the ground,” Michael grumbled, rustling Gavin around until he was sitting up. His fingers traced Gavin’s elbow, desperately trying to catch those green eyes that he fell in love with an eternity ago.

Geoff sat back, shrugging, “I don’t know. I’m sorry, Gav. Should’ve caught you.”

A scoff cleared the air and Gavin ruffled his own hair, fingers catching in a knot, “You dropped the microphone for me Geoffrey, we can call it even.”

And so Michael decided that he was becoming antsy with Gavin sitting on the floor surrounded by people who didn’t understand the severity of the situation. He had been dropped on his _head_. Michael normally dared anyone to even land a _scratch_ on him. Let alone a head injury.

He was a dramatic significant other and no one could fucking stop him. Especially when Gavin’s sweatpants were so tight on his shins and they were so skeletal and _fuck-_

“Come on, Gav. Let’s get you somewhere to lay down. It’d be our fucking luck you do have a concussion,” Michael said, straightening up and extending his arms. Gavin was lifted, and Michael never knew how much he cherished Gavin not being on the _fucking floor_.

They left for the couch outside of the Achievement Hunter room, where Michael laid Gavin down with utmost care and attention. He always made it clear how ridiculous and annoying and _serious_ he could be when it came to Gavin’s safety.

It was unreasonable and it was unrealistic but no one could stop the man from feeling like he could keep the world from Gavin. He was content with cocooning the two of them in bed even if the world was ending.

While meteors were falling and tidal waves were crashing, he’d kiss Gavin between the eyes and tell him stories of his childhood and how Gavin was his sun and his smile; a beam.

His own personal sunshine.

“Michael, I’m fine. Really.”

Gavin knew him too well. He also predicted that Michael was going to groan in disappointment when he sat up because for the love of _God_ he was okay. He sat with his back against the arm of the two seated sofa, pulling his knees flush to his chest. Michael sat before him, crossing his legs.

Their eyes met and Gavin couldn’t keep his chuckle contained.

“You really are upset, huh?” He whispered, knocking at Michael’s knee.

One of his curls fell into his eyesight, “Yeah, I am. Gavin, you _fell_. Right there. Right in front of me.”

Gavin reached downward and began fingering the seam of the other’s jeans, resting his chin on his knee, contemplating. They had been dating for over two years and it still surprised him how much Michael had changed since the beginning of their relationship. He couldn’t remember a time in the last two years where he was harmed and didn’t get immediate attention.

If Michael even let it get to that point, of course.

But even after two years, Gavin was still astonished at how strongly Michael reacted to any blemish on his body. He could bang his arm on a door and Michael was there. He was supposed to be getting _lunch_ , like, how the hell did he even _get_ here?

“And there was a time when Jack threw me by the _throat_ , Michael. Our workplace roughhouses. I just don’t want you to be so bloody troubled over these things. It’s gonna drive you mad.”

“If I had seen you in the same light back then, that wouldn’t have _happened_. It pisses me off just thinking about it, okay? The idea of a man twice your size-”

“Michael,” Gavin sighed. He reached out and entwined their fingers, squeezing ever so gently. “First of all, Jack isn’t some strange man on the street. Second of all, I know you wouldn’t let it happen. I know these things. So stop worrying yourself so much.”

He really didn’t want to bring it up. He knew that Gavin hated talking about it. But he _had_ to say something, because his nerves were pulled taught and Gavin just didn’t _understand._

“Gavin, you’re just so- slight. A skeleton. Someone could just kick you in the ankle. They could just hold you up against something or _pick you up_ or decide they’re bigger, so they can do-”

There was a hand on his mouth and his masculinity seethed, not accepting being shut down. But Gavin was everything beautiful and _fuck_ his inner alpha.

“Michael! We aren’t talking about some jackass in a bar or a stranger in an alleyway. We’re talking about our friends. People who don’t want to _really_ damage me. Geoff accidentally dropped me,” Gavin said. “When there’s someone in a bathroom who feels entitled. Then go ahead. Please. I won’t stop you. I’m completely okay with you being a protective twat. But I’m not okay with you stressing yourself out over the silliest of things, okay?”

And so Michael claimed his lips and asked the stars why the planet deserved Gavin Free, once again. If Gavin asked him to do anything, he’d do it shamelessly and genuinely.

But he’d never stop being cautious. His life was dedicated to catching danger in the act before it could put it’s gritty hands on his boy.

He held Gavin even tighter that night. He traced every visible bone. He spent the night whispering vows of safety and wholeheartedly ignoring any interjections about how hips were _supposed to jut out_ and how shins were _supposed to be a plateau of bone_.

Because Gavin couldn’t disguise his purrs of fulfillment or his skin heating up with every word.

\---

_At work, Gavin was able to catch Michael in the office kitchen. He was toasting some bread when he crept up on him. There were a few other workers in the extensive room, some that neither of them knew, and some friends. But Gavin could only care if his footsteps were light enough or not._

_He jumped onto Michael’s back, throwing his arms around his neck. A clamor of bewilderment filled the area, Michael narrowly catching Gavin’s knees._

_Gavin threw his arms into the air, squawking and cheering, “My boy! Always ready to catch me.”_

_Michael radiated something so special as he gently spun the two, “You idiot. I could’ve dropped you. You’d have some banged up knees or a bruised shoulder.”_

_“Nah. I knew you’d catch me.”_

_And there was more to that that only Michael knew. The room was focused on the idiots playing piggyback riding, but Michael could only fixate on the true meaning._ I knew you’d catch me. _Because Michael would do anything if it meant Gavin’s safety. He’d drop his glass plate if it meant not dropping his boy._

 _He’d throw his computer if some fuckface named Dylan_   _spoke one word too many._

 _The crushed, pastel purple petals that frolicked over his nose woke him up. Someone shouted “gay” and Michael was never so proud, because Gavin was crawling over his head to kiss his nose and he’d_ never _let him fall from there. Even with bony knees digging into his shoulder blades._

_“I can’t fucking escape it!” Geoff threw his hands up, B-lining towards the office._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you see the pattern here?
> 
> Also, I apologize greatly for my extreme break. A lack of interest and personal blockades can really stall someone.  
> Please leave a comment telling me what you think! I always answer.


	6. Violets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m such a fucking fool, you know that? For even thinking I’d always have you to myself. There are so many people out there you could have with your dumb laugh and your dumb eyes,” Michael’s voice was deep with hunger and something that Gavin couldn’t touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters may be portrayed out of character to help flow with the plot.  
> Any run-ons and strange grammatical choices are entirely intended.
> 
> Crushed Violet.  
> "Faithfulness."  
> Everything that Michael never expected.
> 
> Changed the publication date because I moved a few things around.

_“Hey, Michael?” Gavin whispered into the dark room. He lifted his chin to rest on Michael’s chest, looking through his eyelashes at the half asleep boy. They had been watching a movie on the couch when the other began drifting to sleep._

_The rain beating the roof was soothing, and Michael’s rising and falling chest was a promising lullaby. A lullaby that made his bones sturdy and his heart full._

_A small grunt filled the air, “Yeah?”_

_Gavin reached his thin wrists around the body beneath him and squashed his hands against the other’s sides, burrowing into the shirt beneath him. “I was just wondering. Did you ever have doubts when we first started dating?”_

_“Too many to count.”_

_“Oh.”_

_Arms wrapped around Gavin’s thin frame, smothering their bodies together._

_Gavin felt such a special heart thumping against his cheek. He breathed in the smell of his everything and concentrated on the leg that wrapped around his._

_“You gotta remember. You were just some British guy who came out of nowhere and all the girls flaunted over you from the start. You were different, still are. No one really knew how to deal with you, still don’t. I was out of my league from day one,” Michael said, his voice lowering in octaves, weighed down by sleep._

_But really all that Gavin could hear was his own heart beating through his ears, his nose flushing. Because Michael was lifting his shirt to scrape the small of his back and Gavin was speechless._

_He looked up to find Michael’s eyes barely open, “That’s funny because the first time we spoke I wondered how the hell people could warn me about you. I could see right through that hard shell of yours, Michael. I was just wondering why you were being nice to_ me _of all people”_

_The boy above him scoffed and the fingers on his back pressed down, “Gavin, I was ready to beat the shit out of Geoff for hiring someone like you. The first time we talked you fucking giggled, squeaked, and gargled all at once. Was I supposed to feel like I could keep someone like that by my side?”_

_And throughout his words, Gavin was playing with the stray string on Michael’s shirt and wondering how he was going to live through his days with Michael. He was going to give him a heart attack._

_He folded his hands on Michael’s chest and rested his chin on his knuckles, blinking up at the boy who had him wishing on stars._

_“Here I am. I would’ve never found anyone else after the way you started treating me. Made me feel like a proper lady.”_

_“Oh, fuck off, Gav,” Michael murmured, leaning forward to kiss the other’s forehead. “Just try and keep it that way, okay? I don’t wanna go losing you to some asshole who doesn’t care about opening doors for you or dealing with your weight on them.”_

_And so Gavin laid his lips upon Michael’s nose and watched as the other drifted to dream. He sank a blanket on top of them and curled up on top of the one he loved. His body melted into Michael’s and he felt whole._

_\---_

_The next morning when Gavin woke up in bed, cocooned and growing flowers through his hipbones, he knew that Michael had woken up and deemed the couch unfit._

_It wasn’t much of a surprise anymore. Michael had perfected the art of taking Gavin to bed so well, that the other didn’t even flutter an eyelash._

_The normal pile of crushed petals was a delectable shade of purple, with a hint of blue. He marveled at how silky the velveteen flowers were as his fingertip traced the mountain._

 

Another night of carrying Gavin Free to the bed. You know, you can always leave me on the couch instead of breaking your back. Anyways, our talk last night reminded me of a lot. Like how I’m always terrified you’re gonna find someone better, more capable. I’m sorry it can make me an asserting asshole. I love you. Thank you for dealing with a fool for two years. Get to the office, it fucking sucked leaving you this morning.

 

Violet: Faithfulness.

Throughout two years, you’ve consistently stuck by my side. Thank you for considering me enough.

\- Michael

 

_The petals slipped between his fingers as he remembered how charming and sure Michael was. How he wanted to sleep in a bed made of Michael’s clothes and reminisce on the first time they met and the first time Michael admitted to being wrapped around his finger and he was smitten._

\---

“I am not dealing with your drunk ass tonight, Gavin.”

“But, Michael-”

“But, Michael nothing,” Michael mocked in a squeaking voice. “I’m not babysitting tonight. We both go home sober, alright?” He said as he squeezed his hand for reassurance, captivated by Gavin’s eyelashes and the way that lay on his skin when he closed his eyes.

Gavin swung their hand between them, “Yeah, yeah. I get it. No drinking. You’re such a buzzkill.”

Even if Michael knew this, he wasn’t feeling up to watching Gavin all night. The boy was a professional at getting himself into trouble. He’ll never forget when Gavin was put on that dog leash. They weren’t dating back then, and hell, Michael could barely speak to him without his lungs collapsing. But nevertheless, he wanted to steal him away and cover him up and _hide_ him three miles away.

He sure as hell _was_ a buzzkill when it came to Gavin. Drunk people were terrifying.

And the way that Gavin’s hair was pushed upwards from the wind and the greens of his eyes were absolutely _glimmering_ , he knew he was doomed. He couldn’t even leave the guy with some drunk friends without having a panic attack.

They didn’t understand that Gavin was to be touched lightly and with endearment. The Achievement Hunter crew had learned months ago, but there were still times. Like almost _cracking skulls open God damn it._

“Yes, yes. I’m the party pooper. You’ll think me one day when one of these idiots gets themselves in trouble,” Michael grumbled, opening the door for Gavin. They walked into the workplace, ears perking at the slight rumble of voices in the distance.

“Wanna bet on how many people are late, again?” Gavin asked, focusing on the arm that stretched over his lower back, leading him forward. Fingers flexed on the dip of his curves.

Michael rolled his eyes, “Fuck that, Gav. I am _not_ spending another night watching shitty horror movies. You always win.”

“Michael, you’re really not helping this whole party pooper thing.”

“Shut up.”

They reached the podcast room, coming into view of a little over half of the company standing around tables of snacks and drinks. It was Blaine’s birthday, and it was insisted that he get a party. And it wasn’t _totally_ because he kept hinting at how cool it would be to have a party thrown in his name.

The party had been planned by Lindsey and Kerry. _Of course_ Gavin wanted to be a part of the party planning committee, but they never even thought about letting him fuck everything up. Michael knew from day one Gavin just wanted to write obscene names on balloons _after_ sucking up all of the helium.

As if his voice wasn’t already shrill enough.

“Alright, Gav. Go forth and bug everyone. I’m gonna go talk to Geoff,” Michael said. He pulled the other close and planted a kiss on his temple, massaging his shoulder. Gavin absolutely _glowed_ and smiled towards Michael. He scrunched his shoulders using strings of adoration, accompanied with a laugh that sent Michael spinning.

He was always so dizzy around Gavin.

With head full of helium, Michael crossed the room to Geoff and Jack. They were playing with birthday whistles, Geoff blowing his straight into Jack’s face. The waft of alcohol shriveled his nose.

“Hey, look who showed up! I figured you and Gavin would just stay home and go at it all night,” Geoff teased, blowing his noisemaker. The crinkling material extended to lightly tap Michael on the nose.

He waved the obnoxious toy away, “Blaine’s too cool to blow it off. Plus, Gavin wouldn’t shut up about it.”

“Could’ve let him come here alone so the sourpuss could stay home.”

“Take that up with him. ‘Oh, Michael. It’s not a party without my boy!’” Michael huffed. “I didn’t have much of a choice. This is much fucking better than a grumpy Gavin.”

Geoff took a swig of his beer, shrugging, “Oh, trust me. I’m aware.”

Michael let his eyes scan the podcast room, seeing familiar faces, both plastered and sober. He was looking for Gavin, when he finally found him. He could always find Gavin because Gavin was something of sunflowers and lemongrass and no one could miss that.

He was standing next to Blaine and Miles and one of them _definitely_ fit into the kind-of drunk category. Blaine was off his balance, laughing at a story Gavin was telling, his feet stumbling. Not enough to be loud and belligerent, but certainly enough to have glazed over eyes and a hardy laugh and frankly too confident.

The taller man had his hand glued to Gavin’s shoulder blade, and he was leaning towards the other as he laughed. His forehead almost fucking _touched Gavin’s_.

Michael didn’t know if it was a mixture of Gavin’s _hilarious_ joke, or the alcohol wiping through his system. But Blaine was ballsy.

It wasn’t even near a secret that Michael was protective of Gavin. Sometimes too much, and they were working on that. Michael made a point to never take Gavin from social events, because fuck, he wasn’t an abusive twat. But he also didn’t fare well watching an attractive, muscled man standing so close to his boyfriend.

The new kids in the office always learned the hard way. They learned that Michael was a solid body with a solid meaning; Gavin. And if hands touched too much skin or bones clanked too loudly, there was ruin to reek.

He knew Gavin would never feel anything and he knew Blaine would never act on anything. But that didn’t stop the core of his body rumbling the words _mine_.

He watched the way that Gavin leaned against the other’s shoulder, clearly enjoying his company.

He was having _fun_ , Michael. _Stop it._

It wasn’t that Michael was pissed. Well, he was _upset._ But he wasn’t pissed. It just _nagged_ him. It sparked something domineering in the back of his head. Something that wasn’t fueled by corrupt control but by an annoyed discomfort.

Discomfort driven by someone else catching and holding his boy’s attention. Uneasiness guided by competition. And with Blaine, it sure as hell was a competition.

Then Blaine’s hand was on a _certain someone’s_ hip as Miles mimed something that Michael really didn’t give a shit about. His _hand_ was on Gavin’s _hip_.

Fuck it.

Michael patted Geoff on the back, ”I’m gonna go see the birthday boy.”

“Alright, try not to bring your thunderclouds.”

“I’ll fucking leave them with you then.”

And as he strode across the room with a face coated in indifference, he pinched his arm and promised to not be an absolute schmuck. Once he got near the group of three, they all turned towards him with smiles and a wave of relief coated him.

 _No one is against you, Michael_. He was tired of having to remind himself these things.

“Hey, buddy! I was wondering when you were gonna come say hello!” Blaine grinned, throwing his hands above his head. The twinkle in his eyes could be seen from across the room.

Michael carefully placed his hand around Gavin’s curve and pulled him closer. Gavin made a noise of contentment that nestled inside of Michael’s stomach and made a home of twigs and dust and a lost movie ticket.

“Just had to stop by to talk to Geoff about some crew stuff. Happy birthday, man. It looks like you’re having a lot of fun,” Michael said. His eyes diverted to meet Gavin. Those eyes he fell in love with years ago crinkled just at the attention.

“No kidding,” Blaine smiled. “Got all my buds. Got a sweet party thrown my best friends. It’s great, I’m really glad that you and Gavin could make it,” he shared a smile with Miles. And if the genuine happiness in his voice didn’t destroy Michael with guilt, then he wasn’t human.

And damn was he human. But as Blaine raised his drink in excitement, the muscles that rippled beneath his shirt reminded Michael of his ache.

“Of course. We wouldn’t miss it for the world. Little ol’ Blaine; all grown up!”

“Gav, I’ve been grown up for a while now,” Blaine rolled his eyes as he puffed out his chest. “And I’m definitely not little, you are, idiot,” he chuckled, flexing his shoulder muscles. Gavin shoved at his chest, laughing with that dumb laugh that made Michael crumble into himself.

He didn’t appreciate any of it, really. The way that he showed off his muscles, like he could steal Gavin’s _little_ heart from his _little_ body. Like Gavin would swoon, so in smitten with a man’s strength and wow, Michael was going to go fucking crazy and he didn’t know why.

He wasn’t always like this.

Maybe it was last week when Gavin cradled his wrist because he was shoved into a wall and Burnie had to hold him back from that _fucker, I’ll kill him_.

Maybe it was last night, when Gavin pleaded to be held as he sunk into Michael’s chest.

Maybe it was how the fingers had lingered, splayed on the muscled chest and how Gavin might’ve thought Blaine was more capable than him.

Maybe it was how no one could take care of Gavin as well as he could, and how _dare_ they think they were up to the challenge.

Maybe it was how he adored Gavin more than space itself.

“You know what, I’m gonna steal Gavin away for a minute. Go on, muscle man, flex for Geoff. I’m sure he’d love it,” Michael winked and dug his fingers into his boyfriend’s side, but not too deep. Never too deep.

He steered Gavin away before he could object, and Blaine stared blankly at them, his drunken shoulders slurring as they lifted and dropped with the weight of the world.

“Where are we going, Michael?” Gavin smiled as he looped his thin arms around Michael’s, completely oblivious to the stern look in the other’s eyes, the way he was staring straight and direct.

Orders were not always spoken.

“Michael-”

“Gavin, shut up.”

Normally Gavin always had something to throw back. Sometimes he would remind Michael that he wasn’t his possession and sometimes he would remind Michael that he couldn’t keep quiet. He had a tongue that never sat still, and when it did, it was heavy; too heavy. It was distressing.

But this time, he didn’t have time to tell Michael anything.

Like a gentleman, Michael opened the door for him _and then_ he was swept into a supply closet. He was shoved backwards, his back knocking into the wall. He opened his mouth to speak and tell Michael that it was too dark but the door was already shut.

Michael got close. His nose was nearly touching the other’s as he let the dark creep upon them and judge them and hide their secrets.

“Michael, I don’t know what this is about, but if you’re wanting a quickie, I really think you can wait until we get home. I’m not feel-”

The mouth on his was heated and crushing and slightly chapped but it was _his_. He melted back against the wall, allowing for Michael’s hands to rub up his arms ever so gently and he remembered what it was like to be a teenager. Then his lungs were emptied, his stomach living with the clouds as he was _still so carefully_ lifted up against the wall. His meager legs absentmindedly wrapped around Michael’s waist, tightly, so not to fall.

He already knew Michael would never let him, though. The strong hands beneath his bum promised. When he finally had his mouth to himself, Gavin’s labored breathing was a mantra in the darkness, guiding Michael to his sole purpose.

“I’m such a fucking fool, you know that? For even thinking I’d always have you to myself. There are so many people out there you could have with your dumb laugh and your dumb eyes,” Michael’s voice was deep with hunger and something that Gavin couldn’t touch.

“Michael, what are you on about?” Gavin whispered, caressing the neck before him.

“You! I’m on about how easy it is to lose you,” Michael huffed, his voice breaking. “I know what you’re going to say; that this has all been brewing in my head. Well, it came out of nowhere, okay? Just you and guys and-”

Gavin’s eyes squinted and his hands left Michael’s neck to slide down to his chest, “Michael, are you talking about Blaine?”

Michael just lifted his chin and wished the guilt that was hatched in the nest of his hollow chest would leave him alone. He wished it didn’t exist to ruin him. All he could manage was a nod.

“Michael. _Michael._ You really think that I was hitting on Blaine?”

“I don’t think that you were hitting on him, I think that he was hitting on you. And Gavin, you’re fucking oblivious, okay?”

“Michael, he’s drunk and happy. Drunk and happy men do things-”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“- do things that they normally wouldn’t do. He wouldn’t play games with you or touch me sexually or _hurt me_ \- for God’s sake, Michael, what are you-”

At the sight of Gavin heating up, Michael was quick to jump in, “Gavin, please, okay? I _don’t know_ what I’m thinking. None of it makes sense.”

“Then tell me. Tell me what you’re thinking, and I’ll make sense of it for you.”

And so Michael knocked on the door of his brain, turned the light on, and let it all out.

“I get these stupid fucking thoughts in my head. Whenever I see you around some guy who could go to war for you, who could beat a bar if someone even touched you. I get scared. I get angry. I angry that I get scared and I get angry that I want to keep you to myself.

You’re so beautiful and the world deserves you, Gavin. I get so _pissed off_ because it’s Blaine’s birthday and here I am, thinking you’re going to become some damsel in distress and ride off into the sunset with him. He’s not even gay!” Michael ended with a huff.

Gavin waited. He always waited, always wanted to know what Michael had to say. Michael’s words were the only ones that could lessen the weight his hushed tongue brought. He didn’t feel like he had to speak when Michael could do it for him; his voice was celestial.

Gavin’s plush fingertips ran circles over the nape of Michael’s neck as eyelashes fluttered against his.

“I never want to hold you back but I’m scared that you’ll forget you’re mine, that no one else gets to say the things that I do. You’re _my_ little one. So I become a controlling idiot and I wreck everything inside of me. I was watching you this whole time, okay? I was being a jealous asshole. I want to stop it, but I can’t,” Michael said. His voice was tinged with defeat and Gavin decided to not hear the disgust.

Gavin prompted the head on his shoulder to raise, and he stared into the two eyes that he saw every morning, the two eyes that meant everything was going to be okay. Those two moons that he revolved around and broke all physics.

“Michael. You’ve _got_ to stop beating yourself up for everything that you feel. You don’t think I get jealous every now and then? Michael, you’re never going to see what I see. I see someone who would overturn a bar if I even _felt_ uncomfortable. I see a man who would commit a crime because someone bumped into me. You see, I don’t think you’ll ever understand who you really are,” Gavin whispered, holding the edges of Michael’s cheeks. He swiped his thumbs over the smooth, pale skin and swooned.

“You want to take care of me, for some odd reason. And you don’t think you can. Fine, Michael. Look down. I let my legs fall. I’m not holding on anymore. I haven’t moved a centimeter, Michael.”

Michael peeked down between them and realized that he was holding Gavin up with his hands, the boy’s legs just bent at the knees near his torso. His sigh wasn’t meant to push Gavin away, but to just _let out_ that fear of not being enough.

Because at that moment, he was Atlas.

“You see? You may not be Captain America, but you’re certainly more than you think you are,” Gavin whispered, bringing their noses closer. He brushed their lips together.

Michael’s eyes rested, “I thought you were supposed to be the child in this relationship.”

Gavin scoffed as he squirmed, “You’re not being nice, Michael.”

It was silent.

“Michael, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I know.”

And so they let the darkness envelope them once again, because this wasn’t going to be an overnight thing. And Gavin would work at it and chip at it and mold it until Michael could sleep easy again.

The only noise was the faint music and loud laughs. They often found themselves in their own world, planets of dandelions and meteor showers of long nights. Michael nuzzled at the other’s neck, embracing the scent that built a hillside town in his brain.

“Do you really think, out of everyone here, I would go after Blaine?”

“He’s got nice muscles and facial features. He’s nice.”

“Michael, he takes his shirt off randomly and shows off those muscles when he’s drunk,” Gavin deadpanned. “Also, he’d be too much in bed. Too manhandle-y.”

The fingers beneath his bum strengthened and his legs were guided to smother the body he often fell asleep curled against. “Not as sweet as my Michael,” Gavin whispered with a delectable click of his tongue, so close to Michael’s ear, oh _God,_ so close.

A growl rippled through Michael’s chest and Gavin’s collarbones were _wrecked_ with chills.

“You keep talking like that and you’re screwed.”

“I’m okay with that, my sweet boy. Always taking care of me.”

And yeah, maybe Michael was fucked up in the head and saw the light whenever Gavin said things like that, but he’d never lie to himself. He fucking loved it. The gentle fingers that traced his neck, the pureness in his arms. It was all so foolproof.

Michael groaned and grabbed Gavin’s thighs, lowering him to the ground. He didn’t give any room for escape and promptly kissed the British boy, tucking him into his arms. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“As long as I’m yours,” Gavin smiled warmly, oh so sweetly. The rising tides of _Gavin_ were sweeping him under and he was suffocating but he was so ready to drown.

He once had a head of thrashing angers, now he had clouds of lace and lullabies sung by the wind.

Michael smiled and let his lids fall, resting his forehead against Gavin’s, “Come on. Let’s get back out there, be good little boys for a bit, then we’ll go home.”

“And?”

“And I’ll remind you who you belong to.”

-

_Michael had his headphones when Gavin arrived at the office, and jumped a considerable amount when his headphones were taken off. He went to turn around when a ghost of hot air caressed his ear._

_“Hey, Michael. That storage room is still there.”_

_“What. Gavin, what are you-”_

_“You gonna remind me who I belong to?”_

_The shoulders beneath Gavin’s delicate fingers tensed. He dulled at the movement of veins and muscles._

_Michael spun around in his chair, a devious look crowding his eyes as his hands found the familiar place of Gavin’s hips. He squeezed tightly and reached up to meet the other’s ear._

_“Whisper in my ear like that again, and you’re fucked.”_

_“Michael,” Gavin muttered, his conviction so tight and words flowed between them that never needed to be spoken. Michael knew immediately what he was saying. Before Gavin could react, Michael had swept him off his feet._

_He held Gavin bridal style, and cracked open at the squeal underneath him. His own little sunshine gripped on to his shirt as he walked them out of the room._

_“Well, where the fuck are you- God damn it. Really?” Geoff cried out._

_He looked to the floor and slumped in his chair, glaring at the flowers left behind, “I’m not cleaning that shit up!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment telling me what you think! I always answer.


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